Late Night Thoughts

My story is not long, my plot is not intense.
It was so hard to write through my own self-defense.

Said you didn't want my blood, I replied I had none left.
Still hoped you would not see how you had left me bereft.

You never did like to get the letters that I sent.
You never even understood anything in them that I meant.

You read them once again, the ones you didn't burn.
Press them to your lips, your wonderful concern.

You walk into my room, you sit there at my desk.
You start the letter to the one who is coming next.

I'm Not Rappaport

Walter Matthau and Ossie Davis in I'm Not Rappaport

I watched an old film tonight with Walter Matthau and Ossie Davis. The film focuses on Nat (Matthau), a cantankerous Jew, and Midge Carter (Davis), a feisty African-American, who spend their days sitting on a bench in Central Park. They both mask the realities of aging by sharing the tall tales that Nat spins. The film deals with the difficulties of dealing with adult children who think they know what's best for their aging parents.

The film includes one of the funniest dialogues I have ever heard and is typical of the film as a whole...

Nat: Hey, Rappaport! I haven't seen you in ages. How have you been?
Midge: I'm not Rappaport.
Nat: Rappaport, what happened to you? You used to be a short fat guy, and now you're a tall skinny guy.
Midge: I'm not Rappaport.
Nat: Rappaport, you used to be a young guy with a beard, and now you're an old guy with a mustache.
Midge: I'm not Rappaport.
Nat: Rappaport, how has this happened? You used to be a cowardly little white guy, and now you're a big imposing black guy.
Midge: I'm not Rappaport.
Nat: And Rappaport, you changed your name, too!

It's a shame they don't make them like that any more!

This Is Just A Rebel Song

Sinéad Marie Bernadette O'Connor sure has upset a few people in her time. With her outspoken views on child abuse and poverty. Her infamous appearance on Saturday Night Live. Singing of sexual abuse in the Roman Catholic Church live on American TV. Calling Pope John Paul II; "evil", and ripping up his photo saying; "fight the real enemy" on NBC didn't do her any favours either.

Did she expect anything other than what she got? Was she trying to emulate the Beatles having her records destroyed and radio stations refusing to play her songs? Even up until today, NBC still refuses to rebroadcast the sequence.

Foolish, naive act of an innocent rebel with the right motives our just a ridicules publicity stunt? Who knows.

I do, however, get the feeling there is a really nice person in there somewhere. One capable of chilling performances like this...

Geekdom here I come

I decided I would try a custom template from those wonderful people at FinalSense yesterday. I choose not to do this originally because once you get into templates and coding then you turn into a complete and utter geek. A geek who has to download and install all the available browsers for your operating system just to make sure your template renders correctly in each.

So now I have a new template and guess what. It renders perfectly in Firefox and Safari but for some reason the divider between the posts doesn't always appear in Internet Explorer.

I am pretending it doesn't bother me and I am not going to let it worry me or spend hours trying to rectify the problem. If this is the case though why am I writing about it here... because its driving me MAD!!!

UPDATE: After of an hour or two of playing around with the HTML Code I finally got it all to line up properly. It is really frustrating when something that shouldn't work works and something that should work not only doesn't but messes up the appearence in other browsers. Why can't we have a standard that works for ALL browsers. The geek is now off to bed happy :)

Yesterday, When I Was Young

A friend asked me recently which song I wanted playing at my funeral. I could think of only one...

Yesterday, when I was young,
The taste of life was sweet, as rain upon my tongue,
I teased at life, as if it were a foolish game,
The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame.

The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned,
I always built, alas, on weak and shifting sand,
I lived by night, and shunned the naked light of day,
And only now, I see, how the years ran away.

Yesterday, when I was young,
So many happy songs were waiting to be sung,
So many wild pleasures lay in store for me,
And so much pain, my dazzled eyes refused to see.

I ran so fast that time, and youth at last ran out,
I never stopped to think, what life, was all about,
And every conversation, I can now recall,
Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all.

Yesterday, the moon was blue,
And every crazy day, brought something new to do,
I used my magic age, as if it were a wand,
And never saw the worst, and the emptiness beyond.

The game of love I played, with arrogance and pride,
And every flame I lit, too quickly, quickly died,
The friends I made, all seemed somehow to drift away,
And only I am left, on stage to end the play.

There are so many songs in me, that won't be sung,
I feel the bitter taste, of tears upon my tongue,
The time has come for me to pay,
For yesterday, when I was young.

How Misanthropic Are You?

I was bored. I do not normally waste time doing online tests to see how my personality quirks affect my life. I already know who I am and what I don't know about my misanthropic tendencies you could right on a postage stamp and still have room for the Queen's head.

...so like I say, I was bored and so I took the test.

You Are 78% Misanthropic

Here's the truth: Most people suck. You are just lucky enough to know it. You're not ready to go live alone in a cave - but you're getting there.

Okay, so tell me something I don't already know!

Try the test for yourself here, but only if your bored of course.

Today Is The First Day...

I haven't blogged in an age and the last few days it has been nagging at me. I've been wondering what to post. I decided to just sit here and write this without thinking and see where it goes...

It has taken me a long time, but I am at a place in my life where I am happy. Not overly so, but on the whole pretty much happy. Every step I have taken has molded me and changed me into who I am today. There are things I regret, but those things have also helped to make who I am right now.

I have looked back at the past and don't know if I could change anything, and even if I could find a better solution now... well, obviously I can't go back.

I think the reason for this is; I have reached a place of forgiveness. Forgiven others for things they have done to me but more importantly, I feel, forgiven me for doing the things I have done to others over the years. Because, even though others may not believe this, I have done them with the best of intentions and I know I always do them with the right motive.

The past is now the past and can't be changed. Tomorrow, however, is tomorrow and we can take it one day at a time and remember what we have done previously and try not to make the same mistakes again.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Priority

"...never let someone be a priority in your
life, when you are only an option in theirs..."

Outlook

Well my friends are gone and you know my hair is grey,
I ache in all the places that I used to play.
I'm crazy for your love but it's just not coming on,
paying my way every day, now that you've upped and gone.

I was born like this because I had no choice,
I started my life with a rough and broken voice.
And twenty-seven angels from the great beyond,
they tied me to this table to stop me getting along.

Now I bid you farewell, I just don't know when I'll be back,
I'm moving out tomorrow to that place right down the track.
But you'll be hearing from me baby, long after I'm gone,
I won't be speaking sweetly just droning on and on.

Monday Morning

It's Monday morning and the weekend is over. I am in one of those Monday morning and can't be bothered moods. A friend has just texted me to say that she can't be bothered going into work today, nothing wrong she just doesn't want to go in. So I guess I am not the only one.

It made me wonder just how much of our lives we spend doing things that, if we had a choice, we just wouldn't want to do. Work, shopping, the daily drudge of life. Would we be happier if we could just do exactly what we wanted to do whenever we wanted to do it. Would that be better or even worse and a total bore?

Were we happier as cavemen? Surviving day to day rather than working for all the luxuries in life that we just have to have. Did the caveman feel the same on Monday mornings?

As humans are we ever happy with our lot in life?

Today I have so many questions but not many answers!